Britney Spears’ Extreme Makeover!

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I’ve got a theory about what is going on here. It’s like a self-destructive psychological implosion of sorts…

Since an early age, she’s been forced to compete tooth and nail in the entertainment arena. At the age of nine, she competed in state-level gymnastic competitions, was entered in local child pageants and dance reviews and was even whored out to the Pimp Named Slickback of the children’s entertainment world, Walt Disney. After a tour of duty on The New Mickey Mouse Club, she returned to Kentwood, Louisiana and joined an all-girl teeny bopper band. And yeah, they chose the name Innosense but misspelled it on purpose so they wouldn’t sound like “innocent little four-year-olds.”

Up until this point everything is on course for the master exploitation plan for James Parnell and Lynne Irene Spears. Then something truly fantastic for men everywhere happens…

Ms. Spears (or her agent or The Powers That Be) decided that turning into a full blown media slut is the best way to assure her ascent to being an A-List star (granted, it worked, but thats not the point). This goes on for a few years but one day the unthinkable happens.

Britney realizes that she’s a tool. She goes on a bender and starts smoking crack, and turning tricks and maybe even robs a bank in Merrillville* and next thing you know, she’s pulling a Sigourney Weaver.

So in the end I think lil’ Brit got exactly what she wanted, the general public has decided that she jumped the shark and now she can just fade into obscurity, just her and her little white trash kids.

Hot Britney, we barely knew ye…

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*I dont have any evidence for this, mind you, but you have to admit that possibly I’m psychic, but I dont know it, it’s just my intuition is always correct.

~ by skipjenkins on February 17, 2007.

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