Top 10 Geek Fantasy Girls
Ever since the first hairs of puberty hit us, male (and sexually adventurous female) geeks have spent countless hours comparing and debating the virtues of our favorite godesses of geek lust. Hundreds of criteria could be invoked, from her sexual magnetism to her place within a given Canon to her sheer geek cred, and each would invoke empassioned explanations of her superiority. From film, television, books and pop culture, these women hold very special spots in a geek’s heart.
After a long and very scientific procedure that involved many computers with hundreds of gigaflops of processing power and innumerable pyrex beakers, I have compiled the most mathematically accurate Top 10 list of Geek Fantasy Girls.
The results after the cut. (Includes NSFW images)
Ten) Kate Libby/’Acid Burn’ – While Hackers may have contained some of the least accurate representation of hacking ever, it did give us the first glimpse of the rack we would all come to love. As Kate Libby, Angelina Jolie hacked, wore tight leather, rode perched on motorcycles and spouted specs on her “killer” laptop (it has a 14 point 4 bps modem!)
Nine) Deanna Troi – Incredibly hot, semi-psychic (read: knows exactly how you like it), and lives on a the galaxy class flagship for the United Federation of Planets. Plus, when you crash at her place you can use the holodeck before you go home in the morning. Which is so much cooler than crashing at your mom’s and using her slipmat and handrail enabled shower before you go home.
Eight) Ellie Arroway – Date a normal chick, and she may let you use her cellphone. Date Ellie, and she may let her use her radio observatory. Also, she’s used to listening to droning noises for hours on end looking for meaning, so your stories about how you took down the Baron for the 50th time might not put her to sleep. Add in the fact that shes the only woman in the universe who will have advance warning of any immenent alien invasions and you’re set.
Seven) Agent Dana Scully – A sexy as hell dutch girl bob, a crisp FBI suit, fuck me pumps and a handgun would be enough to put Scully into the Top 10, but when you add in the fact that she’s been up in an alien spaceship (which means she’s gotta be ok with a little anal probin’) and can probably get you into any FanCon in the US, that makes her the lucky number seven.
Six) Juliet – Granted, we’ve only been lusting about her for less than a year. We dont know her last name (or if Juliet is even her first name), we dont know who she works for, we dont even know whose side she is on. I do however know that she socked Jack in the face and knocked him out with one punch, can make a cheeseburger from a live cow and a patch of wheat, and that’s hot as hell.
Five) Danica McKellar – Best known for her role on The Wonder Years as Winnie Cooper, Danica is one of only two “real” woman on the list. Winnie cooper was cool and all, but nothing to write home about. Danica, on the other hand, studied at UCLA, majored in mathematics, graduated summa cum laude and coauthored a scientific paper proving the incredibly complex and brainsearing Chayes-McKellar-Winn Theorem. Just as the icing on the cake, she also voiced the character or Jubilee for the X-Men Legends game.
Four) Natalie Portman – She’s been a 12 year old hitman, Al Pacino’s stepdaughter, lived through an alien invasion, birthed the leader of the rebel alliance, gotten smashed with Zack Braff and collaborated with the shadowy freedom fighter known only as V. Not to mention the possibilities of a threesome with her and Kiera Knightley.
Three) Caprica-Six – Some may say she’s a robot, and you cant make sweet sweet love to a robot, but I say if her body was designed to mimic the human body at the cellular level, making her almost undetectable to testing procedures, thats good enough for me. Incredibly seductive and flexible plus an IQ far beyond any living human? That sounds like a recipe for one sexy chess match to me.
Two) Kaywinnit Lee “Kaylee” Frye – With an exceptional mechanical aptitude, an affinity for strawberries, and the libido to deliver lines such as “…goin’ on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!”, Kaylee takes a dominating position in our Top 10. If it wasnt for her relationship with the asshat Simon Tam, the data indicates she might have taken the top spot. Unfortunately she didnt, because she slept with Simon, and in case I didnt mention it, he’s an asshat.
One) Princess Leia Organa Solo – Princess of Alderaan, Imperial senator of Alderaan, driving force behind the Rebel Alliance, New Republic and the Galactic Alliance
It shouldnt be suprising that Princess Leia grabs the top spot in the countdown. She was among the first of crushes for most modern geeks, and she matured with us, from the pure and chaste, white dress and hair buns Leia to the chain bikini pleasure-slave Leia!